Healing Blues

Today, I tripped over a memory of former abuse. My heart picked up pace as I remembered and a surge of anger came with it. How much longer I wondered. I have not lived under abuse for the last decade and yet today I felt pain over a memory from twenty-five years ago.

I have had someone tell me that they think you can never heal from abuse. I immediately disagreed. God has healed me in many ways from abuse. I am not the same person that I used to be.

I just wish sometimes that the healing were quicker and that it did not involve pain along the way. I wish I could be healed without having to remember the emotions I stuffed away. I wish I could be healed without working out new behaviors with practice that involves failures as well as success. I wish that I could be healed without my involvement. I wish God would just touch me and it would be a done deal.

I've got the healing blues, full of wishes that don't match my reality. Full of woe.

So I'll work on singing on hope next to lift my mood, just like King David did in some of his psalms. It only takes a second to see the miracles that God has already done. I am free from abuse now after years of bondage! I am free! I'll begin there and remember what my life used to be and how much better it is now. I will be thankful for the many blessings I have now. I will remember how the previous tough situation was resolved--yes there was pain--but by walking through that valley, I reached a new pasture of plentiful provisions from God. My life improved. With hope restored, I will find the courage to move on.

I'll allow myself to feel my pain over the memory. I will feel. I will take those feelings to God and I will see what healing will unfold. It won't happen as quick as I'd like, but healing will grow and I will grow.

A new song is being written on the pages of my life. Some blue notes are there, but overall the tune is one full of divine glory revealed. It is a most excellent tune composed by God himself.