Friday, December 28, 2012

Victim Blues

When I lived with abusers I apologized frequently for things that weren't logical or healthy. It is a real sign of growth when we apologize only for our own poor behavior. In remembrance of the old days and my old ways, here's a tragic poem.

Victim Blues

"I'm sorry"
That I'm not enough
and I mess up
again and again, somehow

"I'm sorry"
You're not happy with me,
not today, or any day,
Or even any half day

I'm sorry for making you angry again
I'm sorry for misreading your mind
I'm sorry for questioning your motives
I'm sorry I am so frustrating and faulty

"I'm sorry"
For having need
and leaking a feeling
for not remaining forever numb

"I'm sorry"
Words I said daily
and  which the abuser never said
words that held me trapped

Recommended Books

  • 10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages by Karla Downing
  • A Way of Hope by Leslie J. Barner
  • Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom
  • Battered But Not Broken by Patricia Riddle Gaddis
  • Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Bradshaw on the Family by John Bradshaw
  • Caring Enough to Forgive/Not Forgive by David Augsburger
  • Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
  • Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan B. Allendar
  • Keeping the Faith: Questions and Answers for the Abused Woman by Marie M. Fortune
  • Perfect Daughters by Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D.
  • Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Herbert L. Gravitz and Julie D. Bowden
  • Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Slay Your Own Dragons by Nancy Good
  • The Cinderella Syndrome by Lee Ezell
  • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.
  • The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee
  • Turning Fear to Hope by Holly Wagner Green
  • When Violence Comes Home: Help for Victims of Spouse Abuse by Tim Jackson and Jeff Olson
  • Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft