Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Breaking Isolation

Breaking Isolation for Abuse Recovery Even after years of healing from former abuse, I still isolate myself. I long to have intimate relationships but I isolate when I am physically ill, when I dread a conflict, when I am feeling low in self-esteem, when I am low in energy...

By Jade. Found at

Isolation is part of all abusive relationships. Sometimes abusers will go to great lengths to keep us isolated from others. Abuse is easier to maintain when the victim never has the time or freedom to develop intimate friendships. Most abusers actively discourage too much connection with friends or even with other family members who don't live in their home.

Many victims use hiding as one of their defenses against abuse. I remember hiding under my bed, in a closet, in a tree, in the bathroom and behind bushes. I remember that when I couldn't escape abuse I'd stare at some object with intense focus--separating my mind from the abuse my body or ears were experiencing. I also had times when I mentally made my escape and "saw" myself being raped, as if it were happening to someone else while I was viewing it floating in a corner of the ceiling. I've had other victims share similar stories with me. We get good at isolating.

For the next few posts I'll be exploring what we can do about our isolation.

Recommended Books

  • 10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages by Karla Downing
  • A Way of Hope by Leslie J. Barner
  • Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom
  • Battered But Not Broken by Patricia Riddle Gaddis
  • Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Bradshaw on the Family by John Bradshaw
  • Caring Enough to Forgive/Not Forgive by David Augsburger
  • Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
  • Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan B. Allendar
  • Keeping the Faith: Questions and Answers for the Abused Woman by Marie M. Fortune
  • Perfect Daughters by Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D.
  • Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Herbert L. Gravitz and Julie D. Bowden
  • Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Slay Your Own Dragons by Nancy Good
  • The Cinderella Syndrome by Lee Ezell
  • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.
  • The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee
  • Turning Fear to Hope by Holly Wagner Green
  • When Violence Comes Home: Help for Victims of Spouse Abuse by Tim Jackson and Jeff Olson
  • Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft