When I lived with abusers, I apologized frequently for things that weren't logical or healthy. It is a real sign of growth when we apologize only for our poor behavior. Here's a tragic poem in remembrance of the old days and my old ways.
Victim Blues
"I'm sorry"
That I'm not enough
and I mess up
again and again, somehow
"I'm sorry"
You're not happy with me,
not today-- nor any day,
Or even any half-day
I'm sorry for making you angry again
I'm sorry for misreading your mind
I'm sorry for questioning your motives
I'm sorry I am so frustrating
"I'm sorry"
For having a stated need
and leaking a feeling
for not remaining forever numb
"I'm sorry, so sorry"
Words I said daily
and which the abuser never said
words that held me trapped
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