Photo by Philippe Donn
As former victims, we are more likely to base decisions on unconscious questions such as "Will the other person be mad if I say I don't want to do this?" or "I can survive a little more; what difference will it really make?" or "Will my doing this help this other person out?"
I am learning that this other-focused way of making decisions is insidious and well-ingrained. It may have helped me in the past. Caring more about the other's reaction or needs, rather than evaluating my own feelings and needs, gave me at least some illusion of power in situations of powerlessness.
But now that I am free from abuse and establishing a more healthy lifestyle, I need to know how decisions will affect me. I need to know if a food, medicine, or relationship choice is good for me. I am not a backup actor; instead, I have a starring role in being responsible for my health choices. Will I spend time with someone who drains me? Will I do something I do not want to do because somebody else thinks I should? Will I eat a food that has no nutrient value? Will I alternate sitting and standing throughout the day to respect my physical limitations? Will I spend lots of time with someone who is always angry? Will I participate in gossip? Will I let more abusive people into my inner circle?
How about you? Do you need to think about whether choices are good for you? The good news is we make many decisions daily, so there is plenty of turf on which to practice. Start asking yourself, "Is this good for me?"
If we don't know whether or not something is good for us, we can ask the God who has promised to give wisdom to all who ask. "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." James 1:5 (NIV)
God, bless our minds with your wisdom, our hearts with receptiveness to the truth, and our wills ready to act in line with Your will. Amen.
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