I think that we fear the pain. We're afraid that if we face the pain it will destroy us or destroy our world as we know it. I can remember fearing that if I stepped out of denial I would never stop crying or I might get so angry I might do something crazy. I feared I could not handle the truth. I feared that I could not survive what the truth would do to my primary relationships.
Fear was my captor. I was its slave. I didn't directly face my pain, but my pain leaked out anyway. I lived in a fuzzy fog. I did and said strange things to try to maintain the lies. I was rarely aware of sadness, but I was just as muted with happiness. I rarely laughed with true joy or happiness. I rarely cried. I was mostly numb. I told others and myself that I was "fine" or "okay." I survived. I was a bound prisoner of fear, stumbling along without hope in my eyes, dragging my chains of fear along. Not a good way to live.
Have you been there? Are you in that place of mere survival right now?
There is a better way. Facing the pain of abuse does not destroy us. The enemy of our souls reinforces this fear--but it is a lie. Facing our pain ultimately strengthens and frees us. Abuse cannot freely continue in the face of truth. Abuse ends when the light is shone on it or when victims get help and leave the abusive situation. Abuse derives power from instilling and reinforcing fear; abusers lose power when the victim's desire for freedom becomes greater than her or his fear.
And this better way is not a journey we must do alone. God can strengthen us beyond our wildest imaginings. God can help us to face truth and find hope. God can lead us out of abuse. God can use other people to help us first climb out of abuse and then recover from abuse. God can heal us over time--transforming us into joyous people of strength and hope who walk in Him through all the trials of life.
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2 comments:
Tanya, I too felt that anger and grief would be too overwhelming if I allowed myself to admit the abuse. I think this is one of the lies the enemy uses to keep us bound in fear and denial. Great post.
I agree, Jan. The enemy is the master of lies. He would love to keep all abuse victims bound forever in fear and denial. It is a powerful strategy. When you live in daily abuse, it tears apart all confidence in yourself. It makes it easy for the enemy to whisper lies that feel true.
But God has already defeated the enemy. His power is very limited in this part of eternity and will be non-existent in the largest part of eternity.
I rejoice that in Jesus Christ we can discover how flimsy the enemies lies really are.
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