Many inventions, novels, and businesses have been birthed from someone asking, “What if…?” Recently I asked myself questions about what would happen if I tried out some new behaviors, what if… I can tell already the questions are going to lead to more healing and character growth.
I’m wondering how much my relationships might improve if I stopped making excuses for people when they behave poorly. What if I didn’t “rescue them” (in order to save myself from feeling angry or hurt)? I thought I had gotten rid of all codependent thinking years ago, but this behavior still crops up.
That first question made me realize that another related remnant from the past needs addressing too. What if I stopped monitoring family members’ emotions too closely, while simultaneously losing touch with my own feelings? It’s no longer a daily behavior. But when I am stressed, it is so easy to slide down into the old way of coping. What if I worked once again on staying tuned into my own state, especially when I am stressed? I bet it would improve my relationships. I know it would increase my ability to meet my own needs properly.
Just asking the questions has me motivated to do some more learning and growing. How about you? Do you also have self-protection behaviors you want to explore? “What if…?” is a great tool to get you started.
10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages by Karla Downing
A Way of Hope by Leslie J. Barner
Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom
Battered But Not Broken by Patricia Riddle Gaddis
Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Bradshaw on the Family by John Bradshaw
Caring Enough to Forgive/Not Forgive by David Augsburger
Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan B. Allendar
Keeping the Faith: Questions and Answers for the Abused Woman by Marie M. Fortune
Perfect Daughters by Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D.
Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Herbert L. Gravitz and Julie D. Bowden
Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
Slay Your Own Dragons by Nancy Good
The Cinderella Syndrome by Lee Ezell
The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.
The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee
Turning Fear to Hope by Holly Wagner Green
When Violence Comes Home: Help for Victims of Spouse Abuse by Tim Jackson and Jeff Olson
Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
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Welcome
Being abused by another hurts deeply and creates many challenges. But you don't have to settle for merely being a survivor. You can become an overcomer with dazzling wings.
You might feel worthless--but you are not. You are valuable to the creator of the universe. A new life of freedom, peace, and joy awaits. Facing abuse, ending it, and healing from it is a huge journey that leaves behind hopelessness, embracing new life.
Just like myself and other abuse survivors, you can unfurl dazzling wings with the help of Jesus Christ.
This journey is possible. I've done it and so have other formerly abused women and men who have shared their stories with me. Come join us on a life-giving journey of change.
For thirty-five years, I felt worthless. It seemed like I wore a sign across my chest inviting others to abuse me.
Unfortunately, I had an abundance of personal experience with being a victim of domestic violence, incest, emotional abuse, physical abuse, date rape, verbal abuse, and spiritual abuse. And then I experienced being the mother and stepmother of children who were assaulted by a pedophile.I felt like a cursed woman.
Since multiple people felt comfortable assualting me and then my children I assumed that there was something wrong with me. I had let me myself down in some unknown, mysterious way.
What if God let me down, too?
One day, in desperation, I prayed asking God to end the abuse.
God heard. He rescued me. He continues to heal me. His kindness, grace, and mercy far exceed anything I could’ve imagined or hoped for.
He has given me dazzling wings to soar above the pain of past abuse, spreading His message of hope: God does not approve of violence in any of its manifestations. He rescues those who cry out to Him. He heals the wounded.
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