Tuesday, July 15, 2008

What if...

Many inventions, novels, and businesses have been birthed from someone asking, “What if…?” Recently I asked myself questions about what would happen if I tried out some new behaviors, what if… I can tell already the questions are going to lead to more healing and character growth.

I’m wondering how much my relationships might improve if I stopped making excuses for people when they behave poorly. What if I didn’t “rescue them” (in order to save myself from feeling angry or hurt)? I thought I had gotten rid of all codependent thinking years ago, but this behavior still crops up.

That first question made me realize that another related remnant from the past needs addressing too. What if I stopped monitoring family members’ emotions too closely, while simultaneously losing touch with my own feelings? It’s no longer a daily behavior. But when I am stressed, it is so easy to slide down into the old way of coping. What if I worked once again on staying tuned into my own state, especially when I am stressed? I bet it would improve my relationships. I know it would increase my ability to meet my own needs properly.

Just asking the questions has me motivated to do some more learning and growing. How about you? Do you also have self-protection behaviors you want to explore? “What if…?” is a great tool to get you started.

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Recommended Books

  • 10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages by Karla Downing
  • A Way of Hope by Leslie J. Barner
  • Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom
  • Battered But Not Broken by Patricia Riddle Gaddis
  • Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Bradshaw on the Family by John Bradshaw
  • Caring Enough to Forgive/Not Forgive by David Augsburger
  • Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
  • Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan B. Allendar
  • Keeping the Faith: Questions and Answers for the Abused Woman by Marie M. Fortune
  • Perfect Daughters by Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D.
  • Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Herbert L. Gravitz and Julie D. Bowden
  • Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Slay Your Own Dragons by Nancy Good
  • The Cinderella Syndrome by Lee Ezell
  • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.
  • The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee
  • Turning Fear to Hope by Holly Wagner Green
  • When Violence Comes Home: Help for Victims of Spouse Abuse by Tim Jackson and Jeff Olson
  • Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft