Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Blessing or a Trap?

Self trust. It can be a blessing or a trap.

If you've been abused, all your trust issues have been distorted.

You put your trust in someone who abused that trust horribly. So you don't trust yourself much when it comes to relationships. You don't see yourself as having much of a track record.

If you've neglected self-care for years, which is a common result of abuse, you may not trust your body nor your ability to meet your own needs.

What does the healing of healthy self trust look like? It happens bit by bit, one incident at a time. A bit of self trust is gained when you see yourself taking risks to claim a healthier life. A bit is restored when you see that many of your decisions are good ones. And, a bit more is birthed when you trust your gut and experience to judge whether another person is trustworthy.

With God guiding us, rebuilding self-trust causes a blooming. Like beautiful spring tulips, our soul rises and bursts onto the scene with hope and brilliance. We agree, with inch by inch of growth, with God's perceptions. We discover we can be humble without degrading ourselves, we can accept ourselves because God does and we can use the gifts and talents that He has given us. We can trust Him first, and reap a harvest of huge growth in trusting ourselves.

Without entrusting our healing to God, however, we can wander from self-trust into being ego-centered. We can become a weedy patch of selfishness, or a muddy hole of self-pity, or a thorny stem of revengeful anger. It's just not a pretty scene. God waits for us to repent and let him guide us to the green pasture, while Satan delights in the mess he initiated with your abuse.

The choice really is ours alone. We can choose to add to the damage that has been done to us by trying to be our own untrained doctor. Or we can choose to surrender our self-trust, self-respect, self-love, self-esteem into God's capable hands, trusting that he knows exactly where we are unhealthy and how to best address each issue. He knows us better than we know ourselves. Do you really believe it?


Cynthia said...

What a wonderful post. I have experienced this truth:
"With God guiding us, rebuilding self-trust causes a blooming"

It was indeed one event at a time. I remember so clearly an event about 3 months after I left my abuser.

I laughed out loud. To anyone else they would not be able to imagine why that was significant. But my husband hated when I laughed out loud. He always judged it. What was I laughing at? Was I laughing harder at someone elses joke than I was at his? Was I laughing at him? It became easier not to laugh.

So on that day when my laugh split the silence I rejoiced in it.

Thank you for posting these important ideas!

Tanya T. Warrington said...

Twofinches, your comment says so much. It brings memories up in my mind of moments when I discovered different joys of living without someone frightening me and controlling me. I rejoice with you for all the moments of learning to be yourself again and enjoying it. Laughter is a wonderful gift!

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