Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Separating Wolves from the Sheep (Part 2)

"Even a child is known by his actions, by whether his conduct is pure and right." Proverbs 20:11 (NIV)

Are you frightened to trust anyone because of the abuse you have suffered in the past? Are you nervous that you'll fall prey again to a wolf in sheep's clothing?

It is a valid fear. Many abused people are victimized by more than one perpetrator. So what can we do to safeguard ourselves from relationships with other abusers? This is part two exploring how to recognize the wolves.

Were you attracted to an abuser because he seemed so charming, so interested in you, so attentive? Did he seem like a prince charming or did she seem like a fairy princess? Were his words extra appealing? Did he or she give compliments that felt wonderful, and yet seemed over-the-top?

Not all controlling people honey their words to hide their poisonous attitude, but many do. Words are powerful. Beneficial words from a sincere heart can build friendships, deliver kindness, and shine with encouragement. But in the wrong mouth, words are weapons that maim another with falsehood and manipulation.

To see what is really going on, examine the actions. Think about whether his words and actions match up. Observe whether she behaves the same as the picture she creates with her words. Does what he or she does confirm or contradict the "nice" words? Are his actions respectful? trustworthy? faithful? kind? honest? Christian? The most important question to build healthy relationships is not "Do I love her/him?"--rather, ask yourself "Do we behave like people who respect one another?"

In the next post, we will examine common traits of people who become violent with their partners.

P.S. Sorry I am a day late with this post, it took a little longer than I expected to recover from my week of vacation.

No comments:

Recommended Books

  • 10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages by Karla Downing
  • A Way of Hope by Leslie J. Barner
  • Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom
  • Battered But Not Broken by Patricia Riddle Gaddis
  • Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Bradshaw on the Family by John Bradshaw
  • Caring Enough to Forgive/Not Forgive by David Augsburger
  • Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
  • Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan B. Allendar
  • Keeping the Faith: Questions and Answers for the Abused Woman by Marie M. Fortune
  • Perfect Daughters by Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D.
  • Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Herbert L. Gravitz and Julie D. Bowden
  • Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
  • Slay Your Own Dragons by Nancy Good
  • The Cinderella Syndrome by Lee Ezell
  • The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.
  • The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee
  • Turning Fear to Hope by Holly Wagner Green
  • When Violence Comes Home: Help for Victims of Spouse Abuse by Tim Jackson and Jeff Olson
  • Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft