Twisted Entitlement

Wrapping our heads around how an abuser behaves is challenging for victims because an abuser's perspectives are so different from the average person's. The abuser doesn't acknowledge how hard you try to please him/her. He or she feels entitled to treat you however he or she wants. He or she feels entitled.

The abuser is thoroughly convinced that you are a debtor. He feels that you owe him:

Subservience because he believes he is the king.

· Bottomless support because she can't manage without it.

· Worship because he genuinely thinks he is better than you.

·   Obedience because she is sure she is always right.

·   Instant gratification because his needs are above all else in his mind.

· surrender because her will must reign, or there will be hell to pay.

·    whatever kind of sex he wants whenever he wants it because he thinks you were created to serve his sexual needs.

·  praise because she is a bottomless pit of need, and everyone needs to acknowledge that she is the best at everything. 

·       mindreading because he expects you to know what he needs and wants. 

·      appreciation because she is irritated that she has sacrificed so much to put up with you.

·      loyalty because he is sure he has given you much more than you deserve.

·       complete trust because she said so--not because of how she behaves.

In reality, you do not owe your abuser any of these things. The abuser is a human being who isn’t more elevated or special than the rest of the humans on the planet. He or she is a fallible, troubled individual who has lost touch with reality and is trying to coerce you into meeting his/her imagined needs and rights.



You are entitled to relationships that build you up rather than tear you down. You have the right to have healthy, two-way relationships with people who are kind to you. You don’t have to agree with others all the time. You should be able to ask for help meeting one of your needs without chaos and violence being meted out as punishment. You are entitled to feel safe in your own home. If someone you live with has stripped away your rights so that they can feel superior to you, consider whether entitlement is feeding abuse. Recognizing what is going on is the first step toward freedom.

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