How do we know if we are succeeding in implementing boundaries? My biggest clue is that I feel uncomfortable and almost mean when I work to clarify a boundary that someone continually tries to step on or over. But when I re-examine my words and actions, I find I didn't do or say anything mean.
It feels uncomfortable because I am not giving in to the other's demands anywhere near as much as I did when I was younger.
It feels almost mean because now I can do something for myself instead of focusing exclusively on the other's desires.
It feels strange to say "no" because I still need to say it more frequently.
I tend to feel fine while I say my honest answer, but then old tapes quip the guilt messages. But that's okay, the tapes are wearing out, the messages aren't so loud and clear anymore. I know I like boundaries and that they are good.
May God bless each of us on our journey of learning to use the word "no" appropriately. May he equip us to make our boundaries functional.
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Recommended Books
- 10 Lifesaving Principles for Women in Difficult Marriages by Karla Downing
- A Way of Hope by Leslie J. Barner
- Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them by Paul Hegstrom
- Battered But Not Broken by Patricia Riddle Gaddis
- Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
- Bradshaw on the Family by John Bradshaw
- Caring Enough to Forgive/Not Forgive by David Augsburger
- Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
- Healing the Wounded Heart by Dr. Dan B. Allendar
- Keeping the Faith: Questions and Answers for the Abused Woman by Marie M. Fortune
- Perfect Daughters by Robert J. Ackerman, Ph.D.
- Recovery: A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics by Herbert L. Gravitz and Julie D. Bowden
- Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
- Slay Your Own Dragons by Nancy Good
- The Cinderella Syndrome by Lee Ezell
- The Dance of Anger by Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.
- The Search for Significance by Robert S. McGee
- Turning Fear to Hope by Holly Wagner Green
- When Violence Comes Home: Help for Victims of Spouse Abuse by Tim Jackson and Jeff Olson
- Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft
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