Photo by Nita: https://www.pexels.com
How I sometimes wish that God promised to protect us from all hardship in this life. But he didn't. In fact, Jesus warned his followers that they would face trials. Life is not easy for anyone, and even more so not for those who follow Jesus. Jesus' way involves fearless love that moves us in directions that we would otherwise avoid at all costs. He walked up Calvary's hill in victory AND in pain. Love made the pain endurable.
How I cried out to God after different abuses, wanting to know why! And how I still have moments of crying out in agony as I continue to face the sexual abuse and rapes that happened over forty years ago. It turns out that the earliest abuses were the hardest to face and required tremendous courageous faith to process. When my earthly father began betraying me with harsh deeds that shattered my trust and innocence, I was a little child who could not save herself. I had no defense that could save me. I could only flee in my mind, doing my best to vacate my body so that I would not continue to feel the horrible pains. I wished my loving heavenly father had assigned me to be raised by a gentle father. How I wanted God to snatch me away from my harsh father. But that isn't typically how things work in this fallen world. And so I suffered, just as so many others have.
Thankfully, I did not have to face it all alone. My heavenly Father held me. In my room, as a little violated preschool girl, I tried so hard to keep my mind from the abuse. I was wound up tight and could not rest in any pose long. My eyes wanted to cry, but my mind said that would be the end of me. And then I felt God's presence, not that I had a name for Him yet; He was simply part of my world. He came and held me, comforting me and telling me everything would be okay. I didn't see him, but I felt Him in my heart.
To this day, there are times when I desperately need a daddy, and I have a very loving One, who I now know is the great I AM, Lord above all Lords--and my Comforter, my Daddy (Abba).
And how my heart swells as I realize that God loves all the children and grown-ups who have been abused by a parent, spouse, date, or captor. All of them! How great is God's love, and how available is He! He cares, Reader.
How I cried out to God after different abuses, wanting to know why! And how I still have moments of crying out in agony as I continue to face the sexual abuse and rapes that happened over forty years ago. It turns out that the earliest abuses were the hardest to face and required tremendous courageous faith to process. When my earthly father began betraying me with harsh deeds that shattered my trust and innocence, I was a little child who could not save herself. I had no defense that could save me. I could only flee in my mind, doing my best to vacate my body so that I would not continue to feel the horrible pains. I wished my loving heavenly father had assigned me to be raised by a gentle father. How I wanted God to snatch me away from my harsh father. But that isn't typically how things work in this fallen world. And so I suffered, just as so many others have.
Thankfully, I did not have to face it all alone. My heavenly Father held me. In my room, as a little violated preschool girl, I tried so hard to keep my mind from the abuse. I was wound up tight and could not rest in any pose long. My eyes wanted to cry, but my mind said that would be the end of me. And then I felt God's presence, not that I had a name for Him yet; He was simply part of my world. He came and held me, comforting me and telling me everything would be okay. I didn't see him, but I felt Him in my heart.
To this day, there are times when I desperately need a daddy, and I have a very loving One, who I now know is the great I AM, Lord above all Lords--and my Comforter, my Daddy (Abba).
And how my heart swells as I realize that God loves all the children and grown-ups who have been abused by a parent, spouse, date, or captor. All of them! How great is God's love, and how available is He! He cares, Reader.
God of all comfort, we bring you our painful abuse memories. We trust you to help us heal from the gapping holes that abuse inflicted. We feel battered and bruised in our souls. It feels like too much to endure. And yet, You are with us. You feel our pain, and You know what happened to us. We feel fragile, but You are strong. Please comfort us and help us to feel your loving arms around us. Amen.
HTML Comment Box is loading comments...
No comments:
Post a Comment