Saturday, February 13, 2010

Self-Talk

What do we say to ourselves? Do we say things that encourage ourselves and build ourselves up? If we've been abused, then we may not. We may actually use the abuser's voice and words to tear ourselves down. We may do it without thinking.



Photo by mh cheraghi

It is a continual challenge to rewrite the "tapes" that play in my head. First, I have to be self-aware enough to catch what I am saying to myself and what automatic assumptions I am making. If I can "hear" myself, I can make new choices, initiate a do-over, and say something more encouraging and accurate.

I realized I was too tired this morning to participate in a neighborhood garage sale. So, I didn't load up my stuff to take to a neighbor's driveway and then sit outside in the cold for four hours. Instead, I went to the sale with some money and bought some items from my neighbors. I was out in the cold air for a much shorter time than I would have been otherwise. It was the right move for my body, which is still recovering from a nasty head cold.

The interesting thing is that I assumed I was going to be "in trouble" somehow. After all, I hadn't done what I said I would do. I had "failed," according to the tape inside me that pushed me to be "perfect." I am combating that voice today. I didn't fail. I took another positive step in responding to my needs in a positive, nurturing way. For years, my needs were a problem that had to be ignored. But I am no longer in a dysfunctional environment. I can choose now, and I do, to practice being kind to myself and addressing my needs respectfully.

How about you, dear Reader? Did you have an opportunity recently to practice a new tape to replace one of your old dysfunctional tapes? Or do you have a tape you'd like to try changing? If any of your tapes include words such as lazy, stupid, selfish, needy, ugly, a failure, or not good enough, I urge you to talk to someone trustworthy about it and try replacing the old message (that is a lie anyway) with something that you'd say to a friend. None of us need to stay stuck in the mindset we were loaded down with as victims of abuse. Today is a new day, and we can live healthier lives by practicing a gentler voice with ourselves.

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