Impediment to Relaxation

A former life full of abuse does not make one laid back.  Truly, deeply relaxing is foreign when you've spent years being on constant alert, watching your abuser and assessing your level of danger.  Like a rabbit or deer, your ears are attuned to the constant threat of the predator.

Years after I stopped engaging in abusive relationships, I realized that I was rarely relaxed.  There was always a tightness inside and always a suspicion that, at any moment, abuse might walk back into my life.  Working on abuse survivor issues with a qualified counselor has helped considerably, but relaxation itself has taken concentrated effort for me.  I am improving step by step.

Photo by Riccardo

Recently, a doctor told me, "Sometimes you just need to relax and watch a good movie." I love a good movie, but too often, I keep my hands and eyes busy doing something productive while I am "watching." Splitting my focus like that doesn't allow for optimal relaxation.  I knew it as soon as she made her comment.  I need to allow myself to just focus on one thing at a time so that my mind and body can relax more.

I'm far from an expert on relaxation, but I am writing about it because it is important.  Not just lovely but necessary.  God didn't design our bodies to be constantly alert, pumping adrenaline frequently. It damages the body over time when we never relax.  I have learned this the hard way.  My body has gone on strike and left me with fibromyalgia.

So how can we relax when we've been terrorized by one or more abusers who insisted through words and/or actions that our needs had no significance?

Here is what I am discovering:

1.  Getting to know God deeper and asking Him to help me trust Him more has been revolutionary.  I now know, absolutely know, that God is for me, not against me.  I know that my Creator loves me.  I know that my soul is safe with Him forever.  Knowing these things with my heart and soul has made relaxing safe.

2.  Relaxation exercises are helpful.  The simplest one is to breathe deeply and slowly, allowing your chest and stomach to rise and fall slowly and restfully.  It lowers your stress level and sends much-needed oxygen to your limbs.

3.  A warm bath (not hot) relaxes the muscles and the mind.  Adding lavender or bath salts and lighting candles nearby also enhances the experience.

4.  Sitting outside and staring at the clouds, the birds, or the breeze moving the tree branches is soothing.

5. Regular exercise lowers stress levels. So, set up a schedule and get moving. If you have been sedentary, start small(e.g., a 5-10 minute walk) and build up.

6.  Spend social time with upbeat people.  Life is too short to invest your precious downtime with negative people.

7.  Learn to say no to overburdening your schedule.  Every second should not be committed.

8.  Repeat to yourself that spending time doing things you love is healthy and healing.  (It is not wrong or selfish!)

Let's say yes to times of relaxation, smiles, and laughter.  This life is full of trials, but it does not need to be all work and no play.  You're too precious for that.  You'd be worried if your child or sister refused to ever recreate or relax--you're just as important, and your needs are just as real.  So, learn to relinquish responsibilities for a few minutes each day.  Breathe deeply and do something enjoyable and renewing.

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